Ok. I went to the Walmart to pick up some stuff. I put on regular pants, and shoes…still not comfortable with pajama pants and fuzzy slippers yet…and traveled over to get a few groceries and maybe hit up some after Christmas sales. I hate Christmas, but since I am retired now, I look for silly reasons to feel like I am accomplishing something.
I thought early morning, mid-week, people gotta work; it should be in and out.
Nope.
I didn’t know that I needed training to survive the adventure. I mean, it is always a bit of an adventure navigating through the door and past the first couple of aisles due to the volume of people that need to some stuff too…but I did not anticipate the number of “order pullers” and “stockers” that I would encounter.
I had no idea, but I want to get into the training program they attend. I would like to get the grandkids in too, I feel certain they would live with some survival skills I have yet to acquire in my years as a shopper.
First, Let me say I can be pretty good at not making eye contact at a traffic light to keep from letting people in front of me, let’s say 7 outta 10 times; especially if I am late; but to totally ignore all foot traffic and cruise up to, and through the crowds, was impressive.
Doing this without acknowledging that I was there as they jumped in front of me (on every aisle) while I reached for some corn flakes or ketchup, even circling me like I was the enemy…with heads down and eyes forward with a fire I cannot comprehend…wow. This is a skill I do not have for that environment.
The class on opening a door in the refrigerated section that you are moving towards, all with a total indifference for your fellow human beings…is this the same one that they give to politicians who want to ignore our wishes?
Either way, it feels like it takes a special student to get the timing down without causing a collision…but how long are you supposed to stand there sorting through your cart and bags while scanning? Just curious; is there a time limit you are shown before you allow the other customers to access products?
Then, they must have cart driving as optional.
On the interstate, parking in the middle of the road will get you crushed. Hold up, on second thought, when you have been outfitted with an aluminum war wagon, this has to be a different training course. “Just go where you want and damn the torpedoes” feels like a 200 level course.
Am I accurate? I haven’t seen the requirements for a degree in order puller, but am looking.
For the record I was overcome and had lost.
I tried to navigate in secrecy along the back walls because my nerves were shot…and I had picked up a broom to use as a weapon already…only to be chased by pallet jack after pallet jack – I guess their strategy is to circle the masses? And they say Napoleon was a great strategist.
Anyway…I eventually made it through the maze with only a few flesh wounds finding myself in the Christmas clearance section. I hid there for what felt like hours, afraid to run the gauntlet from the outdoor section…between the toys and health products…y’all know what I mean…placed the broom (and now a garbage can lid as a shield) in front of me and charged!
Finally making it to the self-checkout section.
SELF-CHECKOUT, where I am the employee for a few seconds…had more closed than open! SELF-CHECKOUT where you don’t even pay to have but one person employed….one…and I was waiting for one of the registers to allow me to work for my food and wrapping paper!!!!
I have never stood with a sign that says I will work for food, and don’t remember bringing one in on this day either, but I just wanted my flour, cornflakes, ketchup and santa paper in my truck; so I complied.
As I headed to the door I discarded the broom and shield (lid); because I was not about to slow down and be tackled by someone’s grandpa because I had not declared my weapons…they were not on the receipt. I was out of confrontational head space.
EXTRA COMMENT:
To the poor lady who I am certain has since been fired for this behavior; thank you for smiling from behind your vehicle of destruction and saying excuse me.
Thank you for showing me human decency and allowing me 2.7 seconds to grab some flour…before charging forward.
I didn’t report this, but I am sure your training (based on all else I saw) does not allow for this lackadaisical approach to pulling for customers.
A review. Next time, I guess I will order online then go out to the mall and walk with all the other old folks.
Topwater Moon 