As a younger person, I wanted “to be” many things over time.
Like a singer (but I couldn’t sing), a musician (but it never came naturally), a stoner/drifter (at that, I excelled for a while – never meant to be coke/meth/opioid addict; oh well, I survived that too)…but never did I see myself doing much more than manual labor to survive. And I will say there was/is no shame in that…none at all…and that is what I did.
So, it came as a complete surprise to me…had to find a path to support myself that didn’t involve picking up or moving stuff around after a back injury…I was sitting in college when I turned thirty.
Hell, it honestly shocked almost everyone who knew me that I graduated with a manufacturing engineering technology degree. Then life happened, blah, blah, blah….don’t want to bore you with those details…but later, after heart bypass surgery, was (thankfully) living in my fifties…as the one thing I NEVER considered as a “to be” for myself…NEVER; a process engineer.
But again, as a younger person, I had wanted “to be” so many things.
The second most closely guarded secret of my life was “to be” (or not to be) a writer. I knew that the only way to be considered a writer was to write. I had always done it to some degree in complete privacy…then I learned about blogging.
The personal and often just cathartic words led to an opportunity to create articles about kayak fishing. It wasn’t as much fun being forced to write on specific topics instead of what I felt that day…but I got paid for a couple of years to write. I was (regardless of your opinions on the words I strung together) a writer.
Oh yeah…during the blah, blah, blah…I took up kayak tournament fishing, gave up golf, to relieve stress from work projects with long hours. Always thought it would be cool to win money in a Bassmaster Tournament after I started this…have a check hanging on the wall in my office. My dad would have thought that one was cool.
Most of us, as younger people, we wanted “to be” many things; tournament fisherman wasn’t on the list.
But this last one, this was a secret that I cannot remember sharing with anyone. And if it were not for retirement, two heart attacks a couple of years ago, the realization that time is short and time comes for us all, a Facebook post from Jenny Allison, and the support of my wife (Joy – who I eventually revealed this secret to after the post)…I would have never considered because I was afraid to just do it.
Well…let’s reveal my secret desire “to be” this way…
….the post I mentioned above, from Jenny Allison Casting, was looking for extras or background for a movie. I sent an email and got booked. Just stood there and pointed, but it was amazing to be a part of the experience. Fairly certain I was buried deep behind tall people – but I pointed like a professional pointer.
…then another post for an upcoming show…911 Nashville (watch it in October), booked…then another episode….and I got booked.
These were more demanding, and the expectations forced me to be a character in the background…actually moving and interacting with the set and others. There is a lot of action, and in order to not reveal anything…I will just say stuff going on. Following direction, reacting, moving, changing as the direction changed, just going with it to quote the assistant directors – incredible experiences.
Now I am doing more background work in a Christmas movie. Getting paid – to even in these small “roles” – act. Acting…not just like a manufacturing engineer…but as something else.
The reality is nothing I have been a part of has hit the screen yet. I may never get one single second of screen time at your house or theater. That is the reality of background/extra roles and how it works. We are integral support to productions and often key to telling the full story, but may end up “cut and on the floor”.
But as an introverted child who lived in absolute fear after being Paul Revere in a Cub Scout play in the third grade – while continually dreaming I had the nerve and talent – I will take living out this desire to be an actor in whatever capacity I can….and I did get paid to act. So….secret “to do” item…complete.
Life is so short y’all. Too short, and I have accepted than too late in life. We all didn’t have go to work and pay bills as our dream “to be” action. Get up and do something outside of your normal existence….it is…hell, exhilarating is a good word. Chase a couple of those “to be” items that were on your list back when the world was more innocent and you were less jaded….just say why not.
Maybe a lawyer next…hmmmm…not going back to school, so maybe just an extra as a lawyer….hmmm? Or maybe I do go back to school again…never too old to learn. We will see…
Later.
Topwater Moon 